Dear Jessica

You’re article got me thinking about what I can and should do, so thumbs up for inspiring/provoking work.

I thought about the response a while. Reading the responses I must add: I was surprised by some emotionally loaded responses, I thought medium was a place of constructive exchange (e.g. men being able to talk about the problems instead of defending their hurt ego). Admittedly, I too only conceived the last sentence of your text after the second read. It changes the message of quite a bit.

Anyway. Here’s my defensive statement.

From what you speak off I suggest you should check out the clips from bill burr I added at the end. Because many men relate to his point of view towards the issues. We too feel attacked through remarks against the group we are part of. (“Women are being killed for saying no to men.”)

Even in a normal relationship we manage to hurt women emotionally. Without understanding what we did wrong. So do you. We learn, but it’s difficult.

Here is what I propose to better relate to men.

With the genders at the center of the argumentation you automatically generate a defensive response in us, as we naturally identify with all other men.

To avoid that, put more emphasis on the event or situation. Men are naturally problem solvers, but by hinting at the general relation between X and Y you confuse us. An isolated act we can handle and then take action. But mixing it with the whole men and women debate makes it undefinable and we are petrified because we can’t understand the full scope.

Finally, what I think you could do.

I’m not sure if this is even possible. But write a text where you leave the genders out (or interchange them for additional effect). Address the issues you care about, talk about it as issue between human A and human B. That could prove that men do care about the problems, but are constantly overwhelmed in dealing with the fact that there is a gender we have a hard time understanding.

In the end its whether we stand up against gender differences or against injustice. And if a feminist cares about injustice, men will try to relate.